A healthy sex life is good for all of us
One of the themes explored in The Secrets We Keep is sex so I’ve decided to jump right in and talk about it. Yep, it’s time to talk about having a healthy sex life. I can see some of you are squirming already. Trust me, I’ll be gentle.
Women love to read about sex
Yeah, research shows they do. Not all women, of course, but a lot of us. My lesbian romance novels, Maddie Meets Kara and Good Girl Bad Girl have sex scenes in them. Not “fade to black” and not too much graphic detail but with enough description to titillate. I think it’s an important element of what draws us in.
So many varieties of sexual fantasy
Spend a while rummaging through the online book stores and you will see scores of novels with sex as the main theme. The subgenres amaze me. You can have Billionaire and virgin romances, Reverse Harem stories (look that one up if you haven’t seen it before), Farm Boy erotica, etc. These stories cater for the voracious appetite many people (mainly women) have for sexual content laced with a smaller or larger helping of romance.
If I really wanted to be rich I could toss this website aside and write 50,000 word werewolf reverse harem novels and make a fortune. Why don’t I? because I’m not into werewolves? Because I have a healthy sex life? Maybe because I’m more interested in the spiritual side of things. Hmm.
Are women devouring these novels because their own sex-life sucks? I’m curious about this. Does the growth in demand for these stories show a corresponding decrease in the amount of sex we are having? Or maybe we are having the same amount of sex but as we grow in our own power we realise we want more, or simply more satisfying sex? I wonder.
An older woman with a healthy sex life
I read an article years ago about an English academic in her late sixties. She was single. She was not looking for a lasting relationship but enjoyed a healthy sex-life. As a result, she often had more than one lover in her life. Her two basic rules that potential partners had to adhere to were:
- They were not allowed to be otherwise attached (she didn’t want to be a home wrecker) and
- They had to understood and agree they were meeting for sex, not to develop an exclusive relationship.
Her belief was “life without sex is like food without salt”. While I lost the actual article years ago, it left a lasting impression in my mind and I have borrowed that quote a number of times over the years. I love it!
I don’t remember whether the partners included women or only men but I do remember her lovers were at times 20-30 years younger than her.
An older woman with no sex life
I contrast this to a woman I know of the same age. After losing her husband of many years, she eventually started going out with a male “friend”. She was very clear and upfront that the arrangement ended at the front door, she wasn’t interested in “any of that sort of thing”.
Such contrasting attitudes. The sexual stories of these two women could hardly be more different. I would love to get them both in a room and learn about their early sexual conditioning and experience.
Our sexuality changes over the years
If we look at our bodies from a purely reproductive viewpoint we can easily get depressed about our value in our post menopausal years. I went into early menopause at the age of about 47, just a couple of years after remarrying. I found that hugely depressing. While we didn’t want children neither did I want to be classified as “past it” or “over the hill”. My need to feel desirable, vital, alive was severely tested.
And, I guess like many, my sex drive did get lost at sea for sometime. Sick and dying parents, job loss, and a failing family business certainly didn’t help. I think we both wondered whether I would ever find it again. How I emerged out the other side of this bleak time is something I need to write about soon.
Do younger women have healthier sex lives?
It makes me wonder how far women have come in their freedom to express their sexuality. I mean, younger women seem to be having more casual encounters, drunk sex, one-night stands etc. However, does what we do when we are drunk, stoned or an emotional wreck give a true indication of our nature as a person? Equally important, are sober, well-balanced women enjoying healthier sex lives? Are they less sexually inhibited than women of previous generations?
I hope so but I suspect we may have replaced sexual inhibition with “Busy-ness” (eyeroll). Often it seems, we are so caught up racing around getting everything done we forget to nourish ourselves and our intimate relationships?
You are never too old
The benefits of a healthy sex-life are enormous — at any age. And for older women … you are never too old to enjoy an orgasm or two.
So, women of the world, what’s stopping you?
Please add to the discussion by leaving a comment below. I would love to hear what you think, feel or experience about this topic.
D. R. Coghlan